Reading: CrapCode Ep1: Flame War
Watching: The X Files, or should I say "The X Fails"
Playing: Want to play Blockland
So... i havnt made a journal in a long time.. the journal I did for the movie Sully doesnt count really cause I wrote it in response to a movie.. it didnt really mean that much to me anyhow.
I got banned from FA in early Sept for a month due to some whinny bitch claiming I stole her art... The dispute is resolved and everything but I lost a lot of followers and my reputation just went to crap now, so I dont think ill be doing art for a long time.
So, I recently got a job at 7-11 after putting hundreds of applications across the city, despite the insurmountable amount of school work that I CANT FUCKING COMPREHEND. I cant understand this calculus shit for shit, and French is harder than I thought and half the time I cant even understand how some sentence structure works, so im always stuck in one place when it comes to schoolwork. Doesnt help that Im working 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, meaning i work full time. And if thats not the worst thing, I work the stupidest hours so i get home and im too tired to do art, music, writing, schoolwork, hang out with friends, nothing.
Im thankfull I got the job because I worked as a volunteer for a local Petland for over 3 years and put in my application several times and worked extremely hard and was seen as a tremendous help to staff multiple multiple times, yet I never got the job... and if thats not insulting enough, they hire a fucking idiot on the spot. The guy HAD NO EXPERIENCE WITH ANIMALS whatsoever. Like actually. Id be working, and he would ask me how to hold cats and birds and how to feed animals. The guy worked there for a month before I left and put applications in elsewhere. Fuck. Ive been working there for 3 years with way more experience and I didnt get paid a single cent, and this dumbass gets hired on the spot?!! So I pretty much just stormed out there right when I heard that and never went back,.,, And now I work at 711
It feels somestimes when I work there like im surrounded by idiots... like. This sounds bad... but really it isnt. So everyone working there is either brown or asian, which isnt a problem, im just pointing that there is a significant lack of racial diversity there which, to be honest really makes me not want to work there, because im suddenly part of that stereotype: All 711 workers are brown or whatever. Doesnt help there are people there who cant do their job for shit. Im always tasked with stocking and facing shelves because no one else can do it properly. Literally. I go around the aisles and it looked like they just threw stuff all over the place when they stocked the place in the night. Like, we have bags of candy and all hanging in the aisles and what do they do if there is overstock.? Well instead of putting it in a backroom in organized baskets they put them literally on the floor on the bottom of the shelves and they just pile up there and get movd around so in the end you have these candy bags and stuff that are all over the place on the ground and its a giant mess and a pain in my ass because I have to fix all that.
They do that with everything... soda, chips, sandwhiches... Like candy takes a long time expire and all so its fine, but for fresher stuff, thats just unacceptable. And they do that for the soda cooler too. This one time, we were visibly running dangerously low on those fat bottles of Gatorade G and G2 series, which is fine because we have crates stocked full in the backroom ready to be opened. But instead, these idiots order MORE crates for whatever reason and open them to restock, which isnt that big of a problem, but our policy is to but older stock first... but that didnt happen here and several crates of Gatorade ended up going to waste because of this..
The job location isnt too bad,.,. but that was until they were gonna ship me off and station me in the ghetto... for 96 dollars a day? Yaaano. So I quit my job after about 2 weeks and now im back to work at school.
So I havnt touched art in months... and thats mainly because of all the schoolwork ive been doing RUINS MY MOOD. I get in the mood to talk to friends or do some art, or some soundtrack for videos like Plunder Pillows or Escape or Die or that new Table-Top RPG ive been working on... but then all the schoolwork tires me out and/or ruins the mood so i end up just sitting around all day doing nothing. It also doesnt help people on FA these days see me as scum for DMCA reasons, and it doesnt help im always so paranoid about doing original artwork, including NSFW works mainly because im just weird like that, I hold too close to my OCs so I get very emotional and disturbed when pictures involving OCs I like turn out badly.
I remember the very first time I loaded up Photoshop, I was so bad. It took me a month just for me to gather the strength to draw something. Then I drew an NSFW image of two of my OCs, just to try it out... I got a response from Tumblr, saying someone commented on the picture, "Your art makes me want to kill myself". I didnt touch Photoshop for around 3 or 4 months because of that. Ive always been so emotionally attached to things like that... Im quite the extreme Libra so I get very disturbed whenever there are imbalances like if I did a request for someone and they tell me they dont like it. Well that hurts me, a lot. It hurts me mainly because I want both the artist and the requester to be happy with their work. So when things dont go either way, I get frustrated and emotionally distraught. I almost threw my dream of being an artist out the window because of that one comment I talked about earlier... It hurt me that much.
So I also have some really fucked up stuff in my mind... Physical exercise hurts me alot. Thats all normal, because it builds muscle and all. But im talking physically and mentally.. it just hurts everything. I cant really describe it, but Ive avoided doing a lot of work...
Now dont get the wrong Idea... Im a hardworking person and all, like at 711, but when it comes to some things, I just breakdown.
So all my joints hurt and shit... Like Osteoarthiritis hurt. Its debilitating and prevents me sometimes from doing things. Im not sure if this is caused from a lack of exercise or some stupid genetic cartilage deficiency,. It isnt caused from diet, because I eat healthy, or well... id say 80% healthy. Its not like i eat chips all day. Im only 155 pounds afterall, working hard all day and drinking water mostly, i do drink coffee, not much anymore seeing I dont work at 711 anymore. So apparently Im going to get tested for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome... which isnt the BIGGEST problem ive faced... because its manageable, unlike idiots at work or the constant pain of not being able to work because your time is all chewed up, or not having the strength to do art. But needless to say, it does piss me of somewhat, mainly because I work VERY VERY HARD on the computer, and i dont know what id do with my life if I lost access to my computer because of stupid CTS.