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Love through Obscurity

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  • Listening to: Dying
  • Reading: Dying
  • Watching: Dying
  • Playing: Dying
  • Eating: Dying
  • Drinking: Dying
So I spent all of today working on a Personal Response essay so I could work up my essay writing skills for the second part of the English 30-1 Midterm, which has me write two essays, a Critical and a Personal. I woke up at 9:30 ON THE DOT, because If I had slept a second longer the family whore would've knocked down my door and LITERALLY would've blown an airhorn right next to my head. No exaggeration.

I worked from 10 AM all the way t'ill 5 PM on this stupid English bullshit. Well, that and Weapon Adoptions I'm doing so I CAN GET MONEY!, So now I just came down and sat down to work on my 3 ALBUMS I am trying to get signed by MONSTERCAT and submit on SOUNDCLOUD so I can get EXPOSURE and get MONEY. 

And what do you know, the family wench comes down and instal-rages at me saying I'm sitting on my ass not doing anything, wasting my time when I could be finding a job. Oh so the 5 applications I sent aren't good enough? How bout the university applications? Or how bout the fact I'm trying to get a career through Twitch/Youtube Streaming, Music Producing, Making Art, and trying to get my name out in the world as a Bass Guitar player? And that's not including the hundreds of hours I've put in working on Prose series like Star X, Project Starconium, CrapCode., and some of the other highly-ambitious projects I've dedicated hours towards.

So all of this apparently doesn't mean fucking shit to anyone in my family. Then they ask me why Im always stressed out and tired and look like shit. They don't understand and don't realize that I WORK HARDER THAN THEM. 

My mom sits on her ass all day doing child's play work for my English course like writing essays. Which are very straightforward, all while Im forced to read and do basically reading comprehension for Shakespeare's King Lear, and watch movies and shit like that. She gets all of the easy stuff, while I have to deal with vague, time consuming, reading comprehension, thats just boring. And if it isn't that, she's sitting on her ass STILL IN HER PAJAMAS LOOKING LIKE SHIT, watching Star Trek or Netflix for HOURS ON END.

Last month alone she watched almost 3 or 4 movies on Netflix A DAY.

And my dad, he's a not-good-for-anything passes-by-the-skin-of-his-ass under-achieving substitute teacher., always having someone else do HIS work for him. I shit you not. He lets actual teachers do his work, and then he either comes home saying his day was stress free, or that his day was hell and he won't stop complaining about kids with mental illness. Bitch, you thought your day was tough? I had to sit in the exact same spot for almost 10 HOURS, doing the boringness shit I've ever seen. He half-asses his job and calls THAT HARD WORK.

My dad bitches at me, asking why I have Rheumatism all over my body. He says I should take at least 20 minutes to go on the treadmill and get exercise. While I COULD, Im always feeling pressured to do things:
- Get a job
- Finish my multiple albums
- Do streams
- Uploading videos on Youtube
- Hanging out with friends (Which improves mental stability, and reduces stress)
- Work on art
- Work on practicing and playing the Bass
- University applications
- Finishing up courses (Math 30, French 200, Calculus, English 30, Chemistry 30, Physics 20) All in the same year.
- Working on Prose literature
- Taking care of myself
- Learning about society (I had to worry about getting a car and managing things in my RBC account for a few months)

All these things take time and consideration. While I could take the time to get exercise, I always feel like taking that time could butterfly effect into me not having enough time SOMEHOW that could go towards something that will get me a job or get out of this house.

Im just too worried about my future to give a shit about my own health. 
  • Reading: A HomeDestructors Christmas Wishlist
  • Watching: Some YoVideo
  • Eating: Milkchunk Bars
  • Drinking: Neptune Ice
I have to write fucking written english midterms:

There is no activity going in my brain. I cant conjure any coherent thought. I have no words. Nothing,

There is nothing.

There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing 

My blatant stupidity. And to think I used to be writer. To believe I used to write poems and write short stories and novels like Star X and Project Starconia, and a whole bunch of other works no one on DA has ever seen!, To think that its considered a FAILURE in the eyes of the world if you arent some genius story-teller and you cant write an essay. 

BULLSHIT I tell you. BLATANT BULLSHIT. Why should I have to read books and poems and shakespeare and suffer trying to formulate some wit when the majority of the population speaks in YOLO-Speak? And even if you're not some backwards-hatted hipster, the average person doesnt speak like their some Elizabethan Royal,


"Hark now, Cometh to thy House, Is thou? Wouldst he enjoy thy brothel?"

Fuck society and their customs. Fuck the people who believe in them. Be normal for once, and dont be normal. No one should have to become something they arent just so they can live.
(Warhammer) The Defenestrator
A Warhammer I did for a friend for his DnD character.

The Warhammer, "The Defenestrator", was created at the climax at the end of an intergalactic war between two distant lizard-kin races. A General, whose name was lost to time, made his last stand whilst sealed within his fortress mounted upon cliffs high above the bloody war below. On the roof of his fortress' spire, he crafted this instrument of pure malice, fitting it with the skins and scales of his enemies, and adorning it with strange soul-capturing crystals.

With this weapon in hand, he charged the enemy ranks and stood in the end triumphant, yet dying from a wound he sustained. As he lay dying, he passed this weapon of unrelenting malice to his youngest born. No one really knows how the hammer was lost, but legends say it was cast away after it's owner reported hearing disturbing whispers coming from the hammer...
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  • Reading: A HomeDestructors Christmas Wishlist
  • Watching: Some YoVideo
  • Eating: Milkchunk Bars
  • Drinking: Neptune Ice
Some ive been working on a new DnD series with the rest of the guys, and ive been doing the artwork and stuff..,, and I was thinking today whilst drawing some epic swords, that it could be worthwhile to do some WEAPON ADOPTIONS!.

So watcha say guys, wanna see my ARMOURY?!!
  • Reading: A HomeDestructors Christmas Wishlist
  • Watching: Some YoVideo
  • Eating: Milkchunk Bars
  • Drinking: Neptune Ice
My mom... christ.. she's a fucking bloody tyrant. She's literally insane. Her childhood was full of rape and mental, verbal, physical, sexual abuse. She's seen people do terrible horrific things to other people... and all of this fucked her up beyond any and all help. Her husband, my dad, is a twisted washed-up has-been alcoholic sarcastic racist sexist dumbass who's so entitled we like to call him the king of the family.

Both of my parent's minds are so fucked up and poisoned beyond belief.

He's negligent and self-centered, he has no social skills and is slow to accept responsibility for his actions, thats if he ever does to begin with. She's aggressive, hard to talk to, and imposing. She acts and talks without thinking and is a living nightmare when she's pissed off. She's verbally abused teachers and principals of mine in the past infront of other people... she doesnt take anyone or anything's shit, and she always thinks she's above everyone else, even my father.

Just before I wrote this she threatened to hit me onto the ground, she's threatened me physically before, and has actually hit me in the past. She says that her father would have punched her onto the ground if she ever misbehaved, but the word "missbehave" is twisted and warped because her image of it is different than everyone else's. 

My dad's pretty bad too... he wont hit you, but he likes to act all tough and all...

My family just cant get along... its just not possible. Ive already stabbed my dad in the leg with a pencil several times., tried to stab him with one of his broken beer bottles... fuck knows what the next thing ill do to these asswipes.

Mind you. Im not that good myself... im an over-ambitious low self-esteemed scatterbrain who has no sense of fulfillment. Ive never reach any of my childhood goals... even the goals I set up now. Ive just set my brain to fail, so its natural I fail at everything I try to accomplish.

Working my ass off throughout my life was stressful enough., I was always a shy kid who never fit with other groups of people.. I was part of a pseudo-nerd group.., the people I hung out with were always into Harry Potter and LOTR and Dr. Who and Star Trek, and Star Wars... but they werent all that smart. Mind you, they were very high achievers, but they werent like stereotypical asians or indians, who consider anything lower than 85 or 90 a fail... 

I was always getting pushed to be part of clubs and to do something with my life... itd try so very hard to be a gymnast, swimmer, badminton player, ping pong player, soccer player, engineer, artistic,.. god,. Iv.. I dont kniow.. i just cant finish this sentence.

 

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ObsidianObscure
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Artist | Professional | Digital Art
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Beauty through Obscurity
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:iconmostwanted06:
MostWanted06 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Happy birthday! :)
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:iconobsidianobscure:
ObsidianObscure Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
thx
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:iconmrorbital:
MrOrbital Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2016  Professional General Artist
Happy Birthday!! :cake::party::cake:
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:iconobsidianobscure:
ObsidianObscure Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
thx
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:iconinkesarts:
inkesarts Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hi
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:iconobsidianobscure:
ObsidianObscure Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
hi
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:iconinkesarts:
inkesarts Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yeah  it's me danny
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:iconobsidianobscure:
ObsidianObscure Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
k
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(1 Reply)
:iconkanyiko:
kanyiko Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
A very Happy Birthday to you!! ^_^
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:iconobsidianobscure:
ObsidianObscure Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
thx
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